four years

by I DO NOT LOVE.

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about

a collection of remastered rarities
released on valentine's day with Beko.

beko.bandcamp.com

credits

released February 14, 2013

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all rights reserved

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I DO NOT LOVE. Mansfield, Massachusetts

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Track Name: memorial
it's not divine sense,
it's brittle hair twitching
to redeem the high esteem
for which i have been itching.

again, the pillow is in front of the door,
to soften the blow of forming lore.

if only clarity would grace
the most pained with a kiss
of insight to assuage the plight
of all that has since gone amiss (everything.)

again, my dear cushion is upon the floor,
damming out the world for the pursuit of pleasure
in a solitary form.
Track Name: crypt
an empty headstone,
no image, no script
but "everything dies."
however, i won't.

a promise to be broken
through canines kissing
and the lashing
of loose fillings.

an empty mausoleum stands
so close to the lines of
divinity's fragile hands
knotted tight in prayer for

the promise to be as romantic
as persistent
as death.
Track Name: iv
the coming on may solved nothing
and i, the fool, thought in some profound way
that memories could fade.

all of the things i had hoped never to gain
now just stain and replay
ie "treats?" "treats." treats.

balmy visions of the nothingness of deserts and sterile sand.

i wish i could reach in and erase everything.
like an album, i could so simply,
remove the photos
burn them out
and replace them with
"treats?" "treats." treats.
Track Name: a failure
everything.
i want to tell you,
please let me tell you.

i long to hear you sing
your silly songs about nothing.
i want to tell you.
please let me tell you.

i still dream of you.

daily i must stop myself
from drawing you pictures of
everything
i want to tell you
please let me tell you.

i long to feel the comfort of your love
and i want to tell you.
please let me tell you.

i still dream of you
without need for hesitation
because you don't need to choose
i need to tell you.
Track Name: i swear i don't hurt
rechart and remap
the lying cartography
of the lifelines
written upon my hands.

i've never been one to believe
in astrology or the like,
but my desperation
has forced me to rely on signs.

don't bother falling
i'll kill slowly
my throat
taring my insides out

does my body reveal fate
or merely present the illusion of
longevity and a future
filled with love?

if that's the case, then i'll
continue my behavior
making love with water
that coldly holds me back.

don't waste time climbing,
we die slowly.
no love, just taring
our insides out.

don't bother growing,
we die slowly.
no love, just taring
my insides out.
Track Name: down and left
salt water filling the lungs
gilled creature anchored above
no shelter from the suffocating air
that drags the lonely into its lair

hook after hook
always nothing
gouged cheek
torn flesh
always nothing.

clawing, barely making the crest
tangled line silencing the pest

someone please
fill the cavity
left in my bed
left in my chest
Track Name: dreams don't come true
so it starts
i close my eyes
and pray to god
"make it stop."

these memories are killing me.

i hope
that everything
will melt away
dreaming of may

in which these memories will not kill me

i wish
that dreams
could save a ghost
and bring true hope
to me.
Track Name: valentine (for joanna)
can i get to know you even better everything you reveal makes me swoon i always look forward to talking on the phone with you i still look forward to learning even more from you can i assure you that you are beautiful and in my arms you have reserved a place where you can be home you'll always be home
Track Name: should
break the stem before the dawn
before the bud, before first breath is drawn
choosing to revel in the beauty of loss
the solar star is blind to the fact that it was the cause

of the black hole

should i bloom alongside the cycles the moon?
no, the flares erupt and char: the petal plumed
emaressingly rouge, focusing on the earth
a sliver of caged teeth to arrest the birth

i will never get what i want

of the black hole

are you happy sun?
i have nothing now
Track Name: how can i
could it be that i am lost in lust
and the rose colored hues were that of rust?
the body and chasm contra the mind and orgasm
i could not choose
anything but the waves of instinct and needy haste

stay away,
i feel nothing.
but shame.
Track Name: that's it i'm giving up
i'll burn your letters
and break the ceramics
because it's not worth it
anymore.

i'm emptying the cardboard box
full of your drawings
they don't mean anything
anymore.

i'm deleting your messages
so lovingly spoken
they'll never be uttered
anymore.

i promise to stop writing
and drawing you pictures
that won't be responded to
anymore.

i'll stop pursuing
i promise to stop caring
because it's not worth it
anymore.

please know i tried my best
to kill all hope
but i thought you were worth it
not anymore.